My Rant on Age Segregation

We live in a segregated society. And we are self perpetuating. Our school system works toward continuing age segregation. Our medical system perpetuates it. And our Entertainment perpetuates this breaking down of society. None of this is good. And none of it is of benefit for our society in the long run. We have been conditioned since birth (or at least pre-school) to seek the company of those who are no more than four years our junior or senior. For a brief period, in the work force, we work well with people who are as much as 40 years our senior or junior, but that doesn't really last as it's only a work force anomaly and, often those who are that much older than us are our bosses, or employees (if they're that much younger) and the relationship is different. Certainly in our social lives we perpetuate that which was started in school and our peers are predominantly our age or close to our age.

I frequently catch myself thinking that my pastor (who is 6 years younger than me) is "Soooo Young!" Yes, he was in elementary school when I was finishing High school. Yes, I was out of university before he ever entered. But he's also wise, supremely intelligent, funnier than most pastors I know, and a very good pastor. I had a friend once tell me that she thought it was a great advantage to her marriage that she and her husband were the same age. They had so much more in common, and had so much common ground that it made their marriage better. I do not discount this thought. And I think that it can be a great advantage to a married couple to be of the same generation. But I also think that there is a great expanse of alternative ways of looking at things that is lost when two people are of the same generation. Obviously there is so much that goes into a successful marriage that I think it's short sighted to determine the success of a marriage on whether a couple are of the same generation or not.  However, my friend's comment has caused me to stop and think on more than one occasion over the years, mostly about friendships and other relationships and the age differences.

I have a friend who's children are a mere 2 1/2 years apart in age, yet, they struggle to get along because they are three years apart in school, and they don't have any of the same friends. They don't play together, they play with their friends who are "their own age." I see this happening and it reminds me of my own childhood, where we were encouraged to play with children our age, and a sort of competition was encouraged between the four of us, because we weren't supposed to play together. There was a stage where we did actually play fairly well together, but it was short lived, and as adults I see the struggles we have with ourselves to work to get along, because the trained behavior is that we're not peers because we're 1, 2, or 4 years apart. Really? This is good?

One place I see this most frequently is at church. There is a group for the 65+ crowd. There's a group for the moms of toddlers (older mothers, who started late and have toddlers are tolerated, because of the age of their children, but usually their age is ignored), there's a group for the moms of each grade level of their children, there's a group for each grade level of the children, a high school group and a young adult group. These groups rarely interact, and while an individual might form a passing friendship with individuals of a different group, it is rare that this happens, and more often than not it's a more casual "Hi, how are you?" on Sundays after services.

Why do we see this breaking up of our society by age as a positive? The young would be well served by having friends who are substantially older than them, not just parental types, but actual friends. There is much wisdom and experience to be shared by people who have experienced life.
Likewise, the older among us benefit from the energy and enthusiasm of the young. There is something special in the awe of experiencing something for the first time, and something special in watching someone have that experience.

I see this begun in the schools, and perpetuated by our entertainment system. We've got popular TV shows all aimed at a different age group. We even have stations aimed at different ages, all of this works to create a greater disconnect between people. I remember the TV series "Friends" and what I remember about it is that all the people in the show are the same age, and people of a different age group are treated differently. Same goes even for the so called "family" shows like "Everybody Loves Raymond" or whatever else is on these days. Raymond's parents exist more to make fun of them than to interact with them, the children exist for comic relief, and the show is about the people that are Raymond's age. There isn't a healthy relationship between the grandparents and the grandchildren, or even between parents and children. Little or no appreciation is shown for what each generation brings to a relationship.

I have a friend who loves to sew, is learning to quilt, loves music and dance, loves to read, and has some of the same friends as I do . We get along very well and enjoy spending time with each other. She is 18. We've been friends since she was 16. I hope that we will continue to be friends for many, many years. We occasionally joke about the fact that I am the same age as her mother, but have more in common with her, but mostly we just enjoy our times together. I have another friend, that I do not see often enough, who is a grandmother of children a little older than my children. I don't even actually know how old she is, I'm going to guess that she's in her 60's. That puts her at least 20 years older than I am. We have much in common beyond the homeschooling, and I value her friendship, for the silly, and for the wisdom. When I was 18 and just starting college I took care of a lady for room and board. She was 92 when I moved in with her. She became one of my closest friends for those two years. In fact, she was the only friend I made (and her family) in those first two years of college that I kept in touch with after I transferred to a four year university. I had a few friends who were much closer to my age at the time, but none that I talked to quite so much.

Should we not be friends? Should I allow my life to be less rich than it is and only have friends who are the same age (within four years either way) that I am? I don't think so. And I think it is a shame for us to continue to force this upon ourselves simply because society does it that way.

One of the biggest discoveries I've made of late, is that my 3 year old is actually really fun. She has a lot to say, and is interesting. Unfortunately for my older children, I didn't really realize it to the same extent when they were 3. But luckily for them I encourage them to all play together and I've tried hard to not segregate them, so my 11 yr old ENJOYS playing with his 3 yr old sister (not all the time, but enough). And my 11 yr old enjoys playing with me. He enjoys talking to me, and once he's comfortable with new people, he enjoys talking to other adults as well.

I don't do "resolutions." But, I think I do want to try and focus more on the person, and their interests, rather than their age this year. There is lots of experience, vigor, wisdom, excitement, and many other traits out there waiting to enrich my life from people I hardly know right now. And I don't even care how old they are. And, of course, I will fail miserably. But perhaps having thought this through enough to write it down, will help even a bit in attitude.